omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
