when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
