Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
