we're blogging at a bar
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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