Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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