Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
