I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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