omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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