Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
