Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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