I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
