Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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