God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
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Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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