My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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