i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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