My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize