i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
