If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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