i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
