Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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