New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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