I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
