soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
