nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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