I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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