I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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