THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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