I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
