I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
