Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
