I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
