We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
