You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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