Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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