My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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