so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
