you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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