It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
