I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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