nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
