you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
