I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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