I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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