he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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