Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
areolas are like halos for boobs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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