I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize