Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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