All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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