I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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