Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
