Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
