I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
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All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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