never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
