census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
