it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
