Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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