the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize