if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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