About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize