i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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