On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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