how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
