It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
