She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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