i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
