that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
