While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
