A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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