I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
