Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
