the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
