I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
