I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
