She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Randomize
