i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was like eating out sand paper
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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