she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
