My first STD was from a foam party
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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