Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
