I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
