He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
