you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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