Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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