Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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