So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
