i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
