just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
